he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
