she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
