so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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