What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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