I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
