the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
