thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
