not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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