when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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