none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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