this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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