The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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