so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
