my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.