Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.