this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me