clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone