Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
