it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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