I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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