dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
