I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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