I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
