just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
