Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
