i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
