Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
