the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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