operation harelip BJ is a go
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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