How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
