She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
