I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk is a universal language darling
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
