Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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