Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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