Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
