Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
