Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
