I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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