every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
