the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
