i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
