I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
