"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
