I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
