no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
