I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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