I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
