Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize
