90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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