the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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