i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
