last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
did i just pee glitter
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
