Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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