I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
