im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
