I accidentally had phone sex last night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
