he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
