the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
