Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
