I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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