I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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