The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
