should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
