I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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