Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
