you guys were way drunker than both of me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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