My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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