dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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